Did you know gnolls were originally a mad wizard's combination of gnomes and trolls? I've never seen a gnome but a troll is a regenerating green giant and a gnoll is a brown hyena-person that heals normally, so obviously gnomes are tiny, bright red dogs with hemophilia.
Naw man gnomes are like rats man, big ole naked mole rats, they live underground cuz they're ashamed, they're like wererats but they never change, they got cursed by some fucking awful wererat god for i dunno man maybe not being so fucking awful? So now they're super ugly man like super fucking hideous and they can't ever change into people or rats and they live underground and in the sewers where even wererats don't go, and they eat trash all the time, and if anyone sees them they're all like dont look at me man noooo go away. Real sad story.
That is such bullshit. Gnomes are giant cockroaches everyone knows that. They used to be regular cockroaches, back when the empire was still around and had science and shit, but then these two warlord scientists got in a fight and blew up the whole world with their big science explosion magic, and only the roaches survived and the leftover magic made them big and smart. Those're the gnomes. That's why gnomes know about machines, cuz the science, like, got in their blood. Duh.
Guys! Guys listen. This is important. Have you heard of this world Azeroth? They keep having these big wars there, and in the second there were gnomes in flying machines, but in the third war the flying machines were flown by dwarves, and if you talked about gnomes everyone was like what the hell is a gnome? You said you'd seen a gnome flying around in the second war and people were like what the hell have you been smoking it's dwarves in the flying machines and always has been. And then - and this is where it gets really crazy - they had another big war, a whole world of war, and suddenly gnomes were fucking everywhere! And everyone was like, hell yeah gnomes, gnomes have always been here don't you know that? It's like they've got some magic that lets them rewrite history or something, some magic codex with the history of the world and they just edited themselves out for a while then got wrote back in! Why the hell would they do that? What are they hiding?!
[Gnomes, it is known, are much like dwarves, only smaller. This is not coincidence. This is mimicry. Gnomes are larvae - as they grow they take on the appearance of dwarves, and live in their cities and learn their crafts, and when they grow too large to pass as dwarves they assume identities as Scotsmen. (This is why so many dwarves sound Scottish - these are cuckoos, changelings, and not to be trusted.) But when first born the larvae are too small to be any other race, so they invent the story of their own people, and study magic to prepare for their final transformation. Once mature the physical husk splits apart and a great astral horror, all mandibles and coils, slinks away into the Plane of Mind. There the predator feasts on memories, hunts curious sages by their dream-trails and devours their sanity, and regurgitates tales of gnomish culture into the collective unconscious. Thus is continued the great masquerade. Such is the life of gnomes.]
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