Landshark: Redemption

So in my last post I was kind of down on bulettes. I'll stick by my claim that the name is fucking ridiculous. But the concept of a landshark is just the right kind of ridiculous. A setting where sharks can attack on dry land, despite land being inimical to everything a shark is (I mean there's a reason "fish out of water" is a phrase)... that's the sort of setting where every damn thing is out to get you. I approve.

Check it. This is why Tony diTerlizzi is the master of the deadly joke monster. Every other bulette picture I've seen has them looking like the dollar bin dinosaurs they are - like footballs with toddler legs, like a wizard managed to combine just the clumsy shortbus elements of a turtle and an armadillo. And to be fair diTerlizzi's picture has a bit of that too, because hey it is a monster based on a cheap plastic toy from Hong Kong.

But this bulette works, and I think it works because it looks small. Not the giant lumbering tank where you read how it attacks by jumping and burrowing and think um yeah thanks but no. A deceptively vicious pack hunter, no bigger than a dog, but heavy enough to knock you flat when it leaps right out of the ground and lands on your back. A creature which inspires the sages to write in their bestiaries that the bulette has the highest anger-to-weight ratio of any mammal.

You know what other animal burrows, but also runs quickly and makes mighty leaps? Bunnies. Bulettes are D&D's giant killer rabbits - voracious, fast-breeding, sublimely dumb. One might even say Retro Stupid. I think wood elves breed them to attack loggers. The local hedge wizard sells landshark repellent, and it's probably a scam.

Alternatively this is what a landshark looks like if you ditch all the burrowing and leaping and just have a big fake dinosaur as the avatar of nature's fury fucking shit up. I can dig it.